The Transdimensional Pub Quiz
by Igorina
Summary: It's the ultimate showdown between good and evil is about to take place at the most unlikely of venues. Unashamed crackfic crossover featuring cameos by characters from Discworld, Lord of the Rings and Weiss Kreuz.
1. Knowledge is Power

Disclaimer: With th exception of Gail the Barmaid none of the characters to be found herein belong to me in any way shape or form.

A/N: A friend asked me to write something featuring Dumbledore, Ridcully and Gandalf. This extremely silly pair of ficlets is the result.

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It was a matter of the utmost urgency. A chance to strike a blow against evil from which it might never recover. Thus it was that the three wizards had convened around this small wooden table in one of the Multiverse's most nondescript-looking inns.

"You've both prepared for this task, I hope," said Gandalf, removing a small pouch of pipeweed from one of his pockets.

"Oh, you can be sure of that," said Ridcully. "I daresay we'll show those rotters a thing or two this evening, eh."

"Indeed." Dumbledore nodded, his kindly demeanour tempered by a solid core of steely determination. "Now there is the matter of what we're going to call ourselves. I was thinking that 'The Three Wise Men' has a nice ring to it."

"Well, it can't be any worse than what _they're_ calling themselves," said Ridcully. "I mean 'The Lords of Darkness', not very imaginative, is it."

Gandalf snorted. "Evil rarely excels in that domain. We can be assured-"

He was cut off by a crackling noise, followed by the sound of a disembodied voice incanting the words: 'testing, testing, one, two, three'.

"So it begins," murmured Gandalf.

"Hello," the voice continued in a cheerful and rather bubbly fashion. "My name's Gail and I'd like to welcome you all to the Cat and Mouse Inn's first transdimensional pub quiz night of the year. The management would like to point out that they take no responsibility for any loss of life, limb or sanity you might experience over the course of the evening. Now, pens and pencils at the ready guys, here comes the first round: popular Muggle music of the 21st century."

Dumbledore winced.

Gandalf swore under his breath.

Ridcully wondered out loud if any of it had rocks in.

At the other side of the room, Sauron smugly informed Voldemort that he'd just spent the past week with eye affixed to MTV.


	2. The Agony of Defeat

As the final judgement was read out Harry's jaw dropped.

It couldn't be right. Nay, it couldn't be _possible_, for this to be the final outcome. Not after all of their preparations. All of their struggles.

"NO!" he cried out, as Voldemort and his terrible cohorts rose to collect their prize: the symbol of their ultimate triumph over the forces of good.

"I'm sorry Harry," said Dumbledore, who was still sitting with the two arch wizards with whom he, like Harry, Ron, Ginny and Hermione, had tried to combat evil.

"But… but they can't have," said Ginny, looking utterly disheartened. "We all tried so hard."

"Bastards," spat Ron.

Hermione, face red with what Harry knew must be anger, stared at the floor. Of all of them it had been she who'd worked for this the most.

His heart froze as Voldemort turned to look at him. "Come along Harry, don't be a sore loser."

"THIS CAN'T BE RIGHT," he shouted.

The adjudicator of the event, a plump woman going by the title of Gail the Bar Maid looked at him with a concerned expression. "It's just a pub quiz, love," she said kindly. "The prize is only twenty quid and a round of free drinks. Besides, there was only a point in it, and you can always try again next month… or your friend there could enter this Sunday's Multiverses's Hottest Male Red-Head competition."

"Are you sure you couldn't do a recount?"

"You had us do three of them already," she said, sighing. "Look I don't want to get too personal here, but have you thought about getting some kind of psychological help? I know this great guy called Dr. Darryl."

Suddenly rather embarrassed, Harry sat back down.

"We'll beat them next time, Harry," said Ginny reassuringly.

There was an amused and distinctly sadistic laugh from a man with long orange hair, whom, for reasons best known to himself, seemed to have decided that teaming a yellow bandanna with an outfit that had come straight out of the worst part of the 1980s was the last word in sartorial cool. He, along with three other rather disturbing individuals, seemed to have been employed by the management of the pub to prevent all out war from breaking out during the Quick Fire History of Quidditch Round.

"Good can never triumph over evil here," he crowed in a nasal voice.

"Why not?" demanded Harry.

The man's cold blue eyes fixed meaningfully on Hermione. "Because good is too embarrassed to admit that she– I mean it knows who the third contestant to be eliminated from series four of America's Next Top Model is. Evil has no such shame."


End file.
